Vows of Deception

By Rachel Duncan

What to do?...What to do?...asks very pregnant parolee, Lucy Ann Michaels (Cheryl Ladd), just released from prison. The answer is presented by Detective Matt Harding (Nick Mancuso....hubba hubba, btw). Soon after he explains the terms for maintaining her freedom, Detective Harding sets Lucy Ann up on a blind date with his best friend. This is intended to be payback for a surprise birthday belly dancer. As it turns out, the joke is on the joker, because Clay Spencer (Mike Farrell) and Lucy Ann begin seeing each other. As the romance progresses, you will ask yourself more than once, 'How many times can one woman pucker and preen in one movie?'

After the birth of her baby, Lucy Ann becomes Mrs. Clay Spencer (now to be called Lucinda). The union brings with it not only a doting father for her new daughter, but also a healthy bank account...new house, new boutique to run, new car....oh....and new playmate...the stepson.

It only gets worse (or better, depending on your appetite for the 'dark side'.) Don't be surprised if you start screaming at the TV screen. Every time this reviewer watches this film (4 times and counting), I always think maybe it won't happen this time. Be sure to catch this one, so you'll know what IT is. Indulge...and enjoy.

Two interesting side notes: The movie is based on a true story, told in the book, Deadly Seduction. Also, Lucinda's sister, Terry, is played by Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart Simpson).

Cyber Seduction

By Kristin Duncan

"Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life" is Lifetime’s attempt to stay current on today’s ‘issues’ and feed into the fears of the average mom. The story opens with sophomore, Justin Petersen, plunging into a pool and descend unconscious underwater. His bruised and bloody face have no explanation leaving the viewer wondering what underlying torment has led young Justin to this point. The movie then rewinds to 3 months ago at a swim meet where Justin shows a promising future as a competitive swimmer. Embrace yourself for the journey of Justin's decent from innocence. With the announcement that he has made all-state, the cool clique takes a new interest in the sophomore. Monica, the token high school slut, obviously has a ‘thing’ for Justin as the camera holds on her stare (goo goo eyes). One evening, he is on the computer and receives an instant message "Check this out @ Monica’s page". You guessed it… this is the beginning of all of your questions to the opening being answered. Justin unknowing of the content follows the link to find a soft-core porn site that shows the token slut clad in revealing clothes. To twist the plot a little more, Justin does have a demure girlfriend whom he has only…excuse the mom term…petted. The couple goes to a party where they find the cool kids watching what is in insinuated as a porno. At the party, Monica continues to woo Justin with long stares and smiles. Justin’s prudish girlfriend requests to leave the party and voices her distaste for the porn scene. Back to another computer surfing scene, he gets instant message that is loaded with TV grade explicit slogans. Justin digs deeper into the offerings of computer porn sites but sloppily leaves his door propped open. As mom wanders into Justin’s room she gets a glimpse of what he is viewing. BUSTED! She attempts to get her husband involved and demands that he talk to their son. He shakes it off as that is just what teenage boys do. There is an odd turn to where Justin has to view porn-like pictures prior to his swim competition. Even the cool kid that originally introduced porn to Justin thinks his ‘tastes’ are sick (the bad sick). His parents continue to argue as they see a decline in their son. A big turn in the story occurs as mom puts away some laundry and finds a DVD hidden in the back of a drawer. The title of the DVD is "VIRGIN VAGINAS" (yeah, you heard me). Justin and his girlfriend begin to have more issues as he begins to pressure her more and more. He eventually ends up going to visit Monica (token slut) and ends up in her parent’s bedroom. Justin is so confused by porn vs. reality; he is confused as to what he should do as Monica throws herself at him. When he turns her down, she goes psycho and chases him from the house. When he gets home, his parents are livid because of the sites and vulgar pop-ups they have found on the computers. Then there is a confusing turn where Justin is talking to his now ex-girlfriend wanting to go to church with her. Now that Justin has sought help, you ponder the movie opening. Wait, it’s not over. Justin gets jumped by the cool kids (leaving the viewer to think Monica ratted him out). Now, back to the beginning… As he floats in the pool, he has visions of his friends and family supporting him and cheering for him at swimming competitions. With a sudden clarity that he has so much going for him, he breaks from the water… The end. Are you confused? Me too!! However, this is a Lifetime must see for yourself.

Cradle of Lies

By Sal Duncan

Cradle of Lies is the story of a middle-aged woman looking to find herself on a solo ski vacation only to find true love after an unfortunate purse-snatching incident, and this all takes place in the first 15 minutes. The true genius of Lifetime movies is that you really only need one element to make them a success: drama. Everything else that you learned watching good movies is thrown out the window. Absolutely nothing else really needs to make sense as long as it loosely resembles something that you may have seen on TV at any time in history. So back to this gripping thrill ride....

One can only assume why Hayley (played by Shannon Sturges) is single, mostly because this information is never revealed in the plot, but on the other hand here you have a moderately successful 40-something whiner who complains about everything, and let's face it, who wouldn't want to spend the rest of eternity with her? Anyway, as previously mentioned, she attempts to discover her soul (or something) while taking a ski trip by herself. While sitting at the bar her purse gets stolen simply by someone walking up and taking it. Enter the hero, Jack Collins (it took a board room full of writers to come up with just his name) who makes a half-assed attempt to run after the thief only to return empty handed and thereby literally charm the pants off Hayley after several martinis. The Awkward chemistry and sudden change in emotion led me to believe that there was more to this purse-snatching than meets the eye, but I was wrong. Thus began my lesson in Lifetime logistics, those were mere weak plot points and bits of overacting. In any case, after about 48 hours of quality time together, Jack (played by Dylan Neal) pops the big question, and instead of seeing the giant red flag in front of her, Hayley acts like any other woman would and decides that this is the most romantic moment of her life and accepts the offer. Did I mention that Jack is an attorney? So, we are all set with our story and are left wondering what danger lies around the corner because, let's face it, it's implied in the title.

Now, Life is just glorious. Hayley has the perfect husband, and the perfect home, and what better way to add to their utopian lifestyle than to have... a kid? Now, Jack doesn't beat around the bush (no pun intended) when it comes to kids. He wants a boy, and this point is driven home many, many times....so much so that the moment Hayley announces she is pregnant, Jack asks her if it's a boy. Did I mention that Jack is an attorney? Along for the ride is Jacks younger, hotter secretary, Michelle (Natalie Brown) whose character has no business being in the movie other than to just be an evil piece of ass. As the story unfolds, you may find yourself asking why Jack just didn't marry her instead, but don't worry about that, the writers sure as hell didn't.

We've only begun to scratch the surface on this riveting piece of cinema. Sexual deviance, betrayal, money, and greed are only a few of the elements woven in this tale of seduction, whether or not you chose to go along for the ride is up to you. But rest assured, if you're feeling like a Lifetime movie, Cradle will not disappoint.

Joy Fielding's The Other Woman

By Rachel Duncan

The recipe for an ideal rainy afternoon is ‘cooked up’ in Joy Fielding’s The

Other Woman. The ingredients, which will be redundant to diehard Lifetime movie fans include:

~ attractive, successful attorney married to beautiful university professor

~ pissed off, yet savvy, angst- filled teenager

~ cold, angry, vindictive ex-wife

~ conniving, self-serving legal intern

These are seamlessly combined with abusive husbands, murder, adultery, pride, and deceit to answer the question, ‘What happens to people’s lives when power and ego take over?’ When all is said and done, ‘Be careful what you ask for, Nicole, for you shall surely have it.’ If you were a fan of Beverly Hills 90210, you will be delighted to see Jason Priestly in a secondary, but critical, role as a journalist, former colleague (and more) of the professor, played by Josie Bissett. By the way, get ready gals. You will want every outfit she wears. The last word is, ‘Don’t miss this one.’

The Babysitter's Seduction

By Rachel Duncan

Michelle, Michelle, those sugar daddies aren't always who they seem to be, are they?

A striking young high school student, Michelle Winston (Keri Russell) is working for a well-to-do family as their babysitter. The Bertrands live in a gorgeous home (swimming pool, tennis court). The children really enjoy Michelle, who cares for them and likes being with them, as well.

Sadly, one afternoon Michelle finds Mrs. Bertrand dead in the kitchen. The homicide investigation begins. As Detective Kate Jacobs (Phylicia Rashad aka Claire Huxtable) becomes suspicious of Mr. Bertrand (Stephen Collins - 7th Heaven), Michelle, devastated by what has happened, still has enough emotional energy to attend her classes and tell her friends she can't hang out with them (or go to the prom) because she has too much to do for Mr. Bertrand and the kids......running the household, interviewing housekeepers, getting caught in the closet trying on the deceased Mrs. Bertrand's clothes (and that's not all that happened in the closet).

Let's see...Mrs. Bertrand was having an affair with Paul Richards (John D'Aquino). He was killed by Mr. Bertrand, who is best friends with Detective Frank O'Keefe (Tobin Bell - hit man in 'The Firm'). Detective O'Keefe is following Michelle, who has fallen for Mr. B, who is setting Michelle up to take the fall for killing his wife. Get the picture? Throw in Linda Kelsey playing Michelle's single mom (of course)...and there you have it, a drama that might affect babysitters the way 'Fatal Attraction' scared the bejeezus out of husbands. It's that good! The movie trailer says it all..."She was hired to watch over the kids. But, who was going to watch over her?"

Co-ed Call Girl

By Kristin Duncan

A majority of my love for Lifetime movies is all in the title… ‘Co-ed Call Girl’ does not have any senseless pun or alternative meaning. This spicy title delivers the true essence of the sleaze we love so much. Tori Spelling (Joanna) plays a Donna Martin gone wrong character. Like any struggling Co-Ed, she determines her only recourse to pay for college is to sell her body. Her transition from all American girl to Call girl started with a practical joke from her roommate. Joanna’s curiosity leads her to pursue a life of being a call girl. She gets sucked into a perception of a glamorous career working as a high-class prostitute. She begins to become swallowed in a living nightmare of the seedy lifestyle. Joanna soon realizes that her profession is paired with manipulation and dishonesty. Is it too late for her to get out? Watch and see!

This movie has the elements for another Lifetime success... Title, sleaze, recycled 90210 star…what else can you ask for?

While the Children Sleep (The Sitter)

By Kate Flowers

Ah, the old “babysitter trying to take the wife’s place” plot. Surprisingly, it never really gets old. No matter how many times I see a naughty little vixen move into the home of the perfect family who just needs a little extra help, I can’t help but watch. When it comes to this particular genre, a few elements are pretty much guaranteed or your money back: #1: She will be attractive, but everyone around her will make repetitive comments to elevate that attractiveness to the highest level. This reinforces the wife’s inevitable jealously and the tried and true skepticism of the wife’s best friend after meeting naughty nanny. That brings me to #2: The wife always has a best friend who can almost instantly see through all of the BS from the moment she meets the caregiver. #3: The wife will feel pushed aside as the babysitter takes over certain tasks: helping with homework, cooking, picking up the kids and of course, letting the husband “confide” in her. Naturally all of these elements are included in While the Children Sleep (aka The Sitter) which as you may have guessed, is the copycat version of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. It comes complete with a babysitter haunted by past traumatic events, a mother who is made to look negligent (why is it always the mother?), and a husband who, no matter how many times is warned by close friends and family, cannot see the babysitter for who she really is... a loony toon. Did I mention that there is also the classic “defend the child from the school bully scene”? While it may not be as “colorful” as Rebecca De Mornay’s tirade, the nanny does manage to slip in the phrase “skinned like a rabbit”... Yikes! I would definitely recommend giving this one a watch... If not for Gail O’Grady, do it for parents everywhere who may have failed to conduct a background check or broken their nanny cams.